Let’s Get Messy First…
Before we talk about why you aren’t happy, I want you to do an exercise to provide a reference point. Think back to the last time that you felt awful, truly awful, about yourself.
Did you feel like a failure?
Did you feel like you weren’t good enough?
Did you feel like you were letting yourself, your kids, or your family down?
Hold on. I know. You thought this blog was going to help you feel better, and, instead, I’m asking you to go back and relive the last time you felt bad. I’m asking you to remember a time when you felt like curling up in a hole. You may even have hated yourself. You may have felt like a loser, or maybe you just felt like you weren’t good enough.
Let’s pause. Breathe deeply. Now take a few seconds and go back to that time. If you’re not comfortable doing that, I’ll help.
Go back to a time you were lying in bed wide awake in the middle of the night feeling hopeless.
Maybe you were frustrated because you felt stuck.
Maybe you were worried that you didn’t have what it takes.
Maybe you felt like a total failure who couldn’t get anything right.
Maybe you were mad at yourself for cheating on one of your goals.
Or maybe you spent hours that night just looking at every single one of your flaws and feeling sure that everyone else was better than you.
Do you have that picture locked and loaded in your mind?
Good! Now you’re ready to learn about toxic beliefs (Love Locks) because you just remembered the last time you had a Love Lock attack.
You’ve probably never heard of Love Locks unless you’ve seen my website or my social media pages and caught a glimpse of the word Love Locks. Either way, you haven’t been formally introduced to your Love Locks. You probably have no idea that you have Love Locks, that you use you Love Locks all the time, and that your Love Locks are negatively impacting your whole life.
You just went back and relived the last time that you really engaged with your Love Locks.
I’m sure that didn’t feel very good, did it?
The truth is that you’re bringing that kind of negative vibe into every moment and aspect of your life.
Love Locks keep you locked away from the reality that you want and are trying to create.
They keep you locked away from the type of relationships that you’re trying to build.
Most of all, Love Locks cause you to step away from who you really are, your Authentic Self.
Love Locks lock you away from happiness.
What is a Love Lock?
The best way to understand Love Locks is to know what a Love Lock sounds like. Here are some examples of common Love Locks:
I’m not good enough.
I’m not smart enough.
I’m not ready.
I’m a failure.
I don’t deserve to be happy.
I’m not lovable.
I’m going to die alone.
I’m not valuable.
I’m too fat.
I’m too thin.
I hate my (insert body part).
I’m not pretty.
I’m too old.
I never win.
Recognize any of these statements?
You’re not alone. In February 2011, Glamour published a study that stated that 97% of women had at least one body hating thought about themselves every day. I remember reading that study and wondering if those thoughts extended past just body image. Back in 2011, I was also studying the concept of self-love and how it related to women being able to achieve their goals. What I found was that these hateful statements also extended past body image into what women believed about themselves. It wasn’t just about how women looked but also how they felt they performed in their life, career, relationships, and their daily life.
Then in 2017, I began my own studies by asking women to take a brief survey about how they felt about themselves. I used my work with Love Locks as foundation for my study. Hundreds of women completed the survey, and the numbers agreed with Glamour’s study except these beliefs weren’t only about how a woman looked. My survey covered what a woman believed about herself. My results were shocking. 97% of the women that took the survey had Love Locks. The severity of the Love Locks was also examined. Here’s the breakdown:
3% of the women didn’t have Love Locks.
10% of the women had mild Love Locks.
40% of the women had moderate Love Locks.
47% of the women had major Love Locks.
Ninety-seven women were in some form of mental pain because of what they believe about themselves. These women were dealing with the crippling impacts of Love Locks and weren’t being their Authentic Selves.
97% of women have Love Locks!
Do you want to know if you’re one of that 97%?
Get the Assessment that’ll walk you through toxic beliefs,
reveal your toxic beliefs, and explain how they
IMPACT YOUR ENTIRE LIFE!
Authentic Self is who you are the core of your being. It includes values, morals, positive beliefs, and life purpose. The Authentic Self is pure positivity, wisdom, and kindness. It’s eager to experience new things. It helps you decide how to be of service to others, how to determine your life experiences, and how to align yourself with your actions.
Your Authentic Self is who you really are.
It’s is not your job title or what you do. Your Authentic Self doesn’t having anything to do with how you look, how much money you make, or how you make your money. Your Authentic Self didn’t create your Love Lock. Your Authentic self no negative beliefs.
Negative emotions are a result of your Conditioned Self.
What is your Conditioned Self? Your Conditioned Self is who the world taught you to be.
For example, if I ask you to pick between two gems, which one would you pick? Both gems are clear. One is very large, about the size of a quarter, and has amazing sparkle. The other is also clear. It’s much smaller than the first gem. It’s the size of a pencil eraser. It has sparkle but not as much as the other one.
Most of us would pick gem number one because it’s bigger and bolder.
However, gem number one is a quartz crystal, and gem number two is a diamond. Once most people know that, they would drop gem one and grab the diamond. Why do people change their mind? They’ve been conditioned to believe that the diamond is more valuable.
Conditioning has a great impact on how we react to life.
Your Conditioned Self is not bad, as long as your Conditioned Self hasn’t become a complete opposite of your Authentic Self.
Keeping your Authentic Self and your Conditioned Self in balance is what allows you to have a good life.
For example, your Authentic Self values your spirituality and your Conditioned Self goes to work to earn a living. It would be out of balance to stop going to work and spend all of your time in meditation.
It would also be out of balance to stop having a spiritual side so that you could devote more time to working.
The balance is to go to work and have your spiritual practice.
Love Locks aren’t created by your Authentic Self. They’re created by the Conditioned Self when it’s out of balance with the Authentic Self.
Let me say that again. The Conditioned Self creates Love Locks when it’s out of balance with your Authentic Self.
When you step away from your Authentic Self, you start criticizing yourself, you judge yourself harshly, and that’s when the feelings of being worthless, incompetent, and insecure begin to take hold. Once you experience those negative feelings about yourself, three new problems happen.
First, you lose faith in who you really are, your innate wisdom, and your abilities.
That creates a gap of chaos and confusion because you know who you are, but you can’t seem to get into alignment with who you are. This forces you to seek answers. However, you’re weakened so much by your Love Locks that you don’t trust the answers that you get from yourself. As a result, you look to other people to fill in that gap.
Next, you start comparing yourself to other people.
Instead only looking at yourself and figuring out how you can be a better you, you compare yourself to others. You’ll always find yourself lacking because you can’t see the whole other person. You only see a part of them that doesn’t resemble you, and you believe that they are better.
Finally, you seek validation and approval from others instead of seeking self-approval.
When you lack self-approval, you become hypersensitive to how others see you. You care more about what others think of you than what you think about yourself because you’re not in touch with your Authentic Self.
This sensitivity creates a downward spiral, paralyzing fear, sabotage, and the feeling of failure because now you must measure yourself, your desires, and your actions against the views of others.
Therefore, you validate yourself through other people, and when you do that, you’re no longer being your Authentic Self. That creates a lack of connection within yourself that makes it hard to feel happy.
By giving all your power to your Conditioned Self, you become overly concerned with status, social currency, and material items instead of your own happiness.
When the Conditioned Self is running the show, your Love Locks begin to attack your life and your ability to create a better reality because you’ve lost touch with real you.
That’s when you realize that you have a problem. Being the proactive person that you are, you look for ways to make yourself happy while solving the problem.
- You try to learn more.
- Your try to do more.
- You double down on your weight loss goal.
- You work harder at everything.
The trouble with that approach is you’re still using your Love Locks daily. You won’t achieve the results you want even though you’re working harder and doing more.
The reason why you’re stuck is because of your Love Locks (toxic beliefs).
When believe nasty stuff about yourself, you create a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You become that Love Lock.
Ready to learn more about your specific Love Locks and start unlocking them?
Start working on your Love Locks today! Get your free Love Lock Assessment!