Let’s Get Messy First…
Before we talk about Love Locks, I want you to do something, an exercise to help give you a reference point. I want you to think back to the last time that you felt awful. I mean truly awful about yourself.
Did you feel like a failure?
Did you feel like you weren’t good enough?
Did you feel like you were letting yourself, your kids, or your family down?
Hold up…I know. You thought that this blog was going to help you feel better and yet I’m seriously asking you to go back and relive the last time you felt like curling up in a hole and you hated yourself, you felt like a failure, or you felt like you weren’t good enough.
Let’s pause, seriously, take a few second and go back to that time. I’ll help you.
Go back to last time you were lying in bed wide awake at two in the morning and feeling hopeless.
Maybe you were mad at yourself.
Maybe you worried that you were frustrated with yourself.
Maybe you felt like a total failure that couldn’t ever get anything right.
Or maybe you spent hours that night just looking for every single one of your flaws or faults so that you could explain why everyone else is better than you are.
Do you have that scenario locked and loaded in your mind? Good! Now you’re ready to learn about Love Locks because you just remembered the last time you had a Love Lock attack.
You see, you’ve probably never heard of Love Locks. Or maybe you’ve seen my website or my social media pages and caught a glimpse of the word Love Locks. But you haven’t been formally introduced to your Love Locks. That means you have no idea that you have Love Locks, you use you Love Locks all of the time, and that your Love Locks are negatively impacting you whole life.
You just went back and relived the last time that you really engaged with your Love Locks. I’m sure that didn’t feel very good, did it?
The truth is that you’re bringing that kind of negative vibe into every moment of your life.
Those very Love Locks are keeping you locked away from the dreamy reality that you want and are trying to create.
They keep you locked away from the type of relationships that you’re trying to build.
But most of all, Love Locks, have caused you to step away from who you really are, your Authentic Self.
Love Locks lock you away from happiness.
What is a Love Lock?
The best way to understand Love Locks is to know what a Love Lock sounds like. Here are some of the most common Love Locks.
I’m not good enough.
I’m not ready.
I’m a failure.
I don’t deserve to be happy.
I’m not lovable.
I’m going to die alone.
I’m not valuable.
I’m too fat.
I’m too thin.
I hate this body part.
I’m not pretty.
I’m too old.
Recognize any of these statements?
You’re not alone. In February 2011, Glamour published a study that stated that 97% of women had at least one body hating thought about themselves every day. I remember reading that study and I wondered if those thoughts extended past just body image. Back in 2011, I was also studying the concept of self-love and how it related to women being able to achieve their goals. What I found was that these hateful statements also extended past body image into what women believed about themselves. It wasn’t just about how women looked but also how they felt they performed in their life, career, relationships, and their daily life.
In 2017, I began to ask women to take a brief survey about how they felt about themselves based on Love Locks. Hundreds of women completed the survey and the numbers agreed with Glamour’s study except these beliefs weren’t only about how a woman looked. My survey covered what a woman believed about herself. My results were shocking. 97% of the women that took the survey had Love Locks. The severity of the Love Locks were also examined. Here’s the breakdown:
3% of the women didn’t have Love Locks.
10% of the women had mild Love Locks.
40% of the women had moderate Love Locks.
47% of the women had major Love Locks.
That means that ninety-seven women out of hundred are in some form of mental pain because of what they believe about themselves. Ninety-seven percent of women were dealing with the crippling impacts of Love Locks. Ninety-seven percent of women aren’t being their Authentic Self.
When I say Authentic Self, I mean who you are the core of your being. Your Authentic Self is your values, morals, your positive beliefs, and your greater purpose for being on this planet. Your Authentic Self is pure positivity. Your Authentic Self is wisdom, kindness, and is eager to experience new things. Your Authentic Self helps you decide how to be of service to others, what life experiences you want to have, and helps you align the core of yourself with your actions. Your Authentic Self is who you really are.
Your Authentic Self is not what your job title is or how you spend most of day, like being a mom, an employee, or a title. Your Authentic Self doesn’t having anything to do with how you look, how much money you make, or how you make your money. Your Authentic Self didn’t create your Love Lock. Negative emotions, for example fear, scarcity, or revenge don’t reside within your Authentic Self.
Negative emotions are a result of your Conditioned Self.
What is your Conditioned Self? Your Conditioned Self is who the world told you to be. For example, if I ask you to pick between these two gems which one would you pick?
Gem One is clear, very large about the size of a quarter, and has amazing sparkle to it.
Gem Two is also clear, it is much smaller than gem one, it’s the size of a pencil eraser, and also has sparkle to it but is slightly less sparkly than gem one.
Most of us would pick gem number one because it’s bigger, easier to hold, and play with.
But as soon as I tell you that gem number one is a quartz crystal and gem number two is a diamond, most people would drop gem one and grab the diamond. However, instead of playing with the diamond and enjoying it, they’d probably keep it someplace special, maybe even lock it up in a safe.
Why do people do that? Because they’ve been conditioned to feel that the diamond is more valuable.
Your Conditioned Self is not bad, as long as your Conditioned Self hasn’t become a complete opposite of your Authentic Self. Keeping your Authentic Self and your Conditioned Self in balance is what allows you to have a good life.
For example, your Authentic Self values your spirituality and your Conditioned Self goes to work to earn a living. It would be out of balance to stop going to work and spend all of your time in meditation.
It would also be out of balance to stop having a spiritual side so that you could devote more time to working.
The balance is to go to work and have your spiritual practice.
Love Locks aren’t created by your Authentic Self. They’re created by the Conditioned Self when it’s out of balance with the Authentic Self.
Let me say that again. The Conditioned Self creates Love Locks when it’s out of balance with your Authentic Self.
When you step away from your Authentic Self, you start criticizing yourself, you judge yourself harshly, and that’s when the feelings of being worthless, incompetent, or insecure begin to take hold of you. Once you experience those negative feelings about yourself, three new problems happen.
First you lose faith in who you really are, your innate wisdom, and your abilities. That creates a gap of chaos and confusion because you know who you are but you can’t seem to get into alignment with who you are. This forces you to seek answers. However, you’re weakened so much by your Love Locks that you don’t trust the answers that you get from yourself. As a result you look to other people to fill in that gap.
Next, you start caring what other people think of you, instead of what you think about yourself. You look for validation from others instead of your Authentic Self.
Seeking validation and approval from others instead of seeking self approval makes you hypersensitive to how others see you, perceive you, and feel about you. You care more about what others think about you than what you think about yourself because you’re not in touch with your Authentic Self. This sensitivity creates a downward spiral, paralyzing fear, sabotage, and the feeling of failure because now you must measure yourself, your desires, and your actions against the views of others.
The truth is most of us are afraid of what other people think of us. That’s why public speaking is the number one fear. People are social creatures. We need each other to survive.
However, you simply cannot be everything to everyone at all times. Although you know that, it’s hard to accept it emotionally. Therefore, you validate yourself through other people, and when you do that, you’re no longer being your Authentic Self. You’re giving all your power to your Conditioned Self. Your Conditioned Self is only concerned with status, social currency, and material items.
Finally when that happens, when the Conditioned Self is running the show, your Love Locks begin to attack your reality and your ability to create a better reality.
That’s when you realize that you’re unhappy with yourself, your life, and your relationships.
Ready to learn more about your specific Love Locks?
Is it time to get back in touch with your Authentic Self?