I’m not a fan of the term self-love, it sounds clinical and it feels like yet another thing that women aren’t doing right.

While I value the meaning and the concept, a decade of coaching has taught me that most women will resist the term self-love because they do love themselves overall.

However, they hate a few things about themselves. For example, their past choices, their divorce, their belly, their weight, or perceived failures.

It’s not a lack of love for the overall self that is getting in the way for most women, it’s the hatred of a few things.

Those few things create a toxic belief…

A Love Lock.


What is a Love Lock?


A negative belief about yourself that is impacting your how you perceive yourself, your reality, and your relationships.


The lack of love in one or two areas that keep you locked out of your ideal life.


Why Love Locks make it so hard to feel successful in love and life?


Phase one: A Love Lock is created through an experience and thoughts.

Once you have a Love Lock you’ll use it as weapon against yourself which will prevent you from creating the reality and the relationships that you desire.  The more you use it the bigger it gets.

Soon, it becomes the reason that you criticize yourself until you feel worthless, incompetent, or insecure. The start of a downward spiral.

Those feelings make it feel impossible to reach for more, to change, or to improve. You simply cannot create a euphoric life when you’re working against yourself in such a powerful and negative way.

Phase two: Fear of other people’s perceptions.

You become more susceptible to everything that others think and say about you.  You believe them instead of filtering their words through your own belief system. The Love Lock compromises your own belief system.

Next, you become very sensitive about how other people perceive you.  Which results in you caring more about what others think you about than what you think about yourself.

Phase three: Feeling of failure.

That sensitivity and not being able to correctly filter creates a downward spiral of paralyzing fear, sabotage, and chaos.


Love Locks Symptoms And The Chaos It Produces In Your Reality

Set goals and but can’t achieve them

Can‘t make changes to improve your reality

Can’t ask for what you want and need

Tends to be a perfectionist about self

Unable to make good choices

Won’t take healthy risks

Doesn’t feel valuable

Has less fun



Love Locks Symptoms And The Chaos It Produces In Your Relationships

Feel like you won’t/can’t find another partner/friends

Impacts the type of partners you choose

You work too hard at relationships

Doesn’t have healthy boundaries

High tolerance for mistreatment

Feels like the inferior partner

Won’t stand up for yourself

Apologizes for everything

Fear of abandonment

Can’t say no


Here’s a list of the most common Love Locks I’ve seen:


Love Locks: Success


I’m not good enough.

I’m a failure.

I can’t do it.

I can’t change.

I’m not lucky.

I’ll never be able to______.

I should do more.

I’m not strong enough.

I’m not smart enough.

There’s something wrong with me.

I don’t deserve it.

Everyone else is better than me.

I have a bad past so I don’t deserve to be happy.

It’s too late for me.

I’m doomed.

I’m unworthy.

I’m odd.

I’m too (shy, loud, fat, ugly, sensitive, old, young, poor) to be happy.


Love Locks: Relationships


I’m not lovable.

No one cares about me.

There’s something wrong with me.

No one will ever want me.

People are awful.

I’m a bad mom, daughter, friend, etc.

I’m going to die alone.

I’m not valuable.

I’m not enough for someone.

I’m boring.

I don’t deserve a partner.

I’m too independent.

No will want me and my kids.

I’ve been divorce X times.

Only sleazy people like me.

I can’t trust anyone.

I’m not thin (pretty) enough.

I can’t have it all. (Relationship, career, family, etc.)

I’m weird.

My life is too boring.

Relationships take away freedom.

Other people are controlling.


Love Locks: Appearance

 I’m too fat.

I’m too thin.

I hate this body part.

Why try? I’ll never be ______.

I’ll never look the way I want to look.

I’m not sexy enough.

I’m not pretty.

I’m too old.

I hate the way I look.

There’s something wrong with me.

* There are thousands of variations of these Love Locks around appearance.


Recognize any of these statements?


All of these statements are Love Locks

Imagine saying any of these to your kids, your mom, or your best friend…

You would never… These statements are mean.

Yet, 97% of women have no problems saying and believing these about themselves.


It’s Time To End The Self-Bullying!

The 3% of women that don’t have Love Locks know they aren’t perfect. They have things that they want to improve, they have set backs, and they aren’t the prettiest women.

What sets them apart is that they don’t beat themselves up, believe others, or allow negative thoughts to impact their lives.

Which means you don’t have to adore everything about yourself but you can’t use a perceived failure, weakness, or flaw as weapon or a barricade to your desires.

Become a part of the 3% by taking these three steps to take right now to start unlocking your Love Locks.

  1. Identify your Love Locks.
  2. Change your mindset to one of self-appreciation. Yep, even the big belly, the cottage cheese thighs, or the past choices that you wish you hadn’t made.
  3. Create and substitute a new positive habit in place of the Love Lock.

Not sure how to unlock those Love Locks?

Want a step-by-step guide to unlocking your Love Locks?

Start working on your Love Locks today! Get your free Love Lock Assessment!