After a divorce, there’s often a great deal of activity. Dissolving the relationship takes a lot of work. The best thing that you can during the aftermath of divorce is get through it.
Don’t expect that you’ll be able to maintain the same level of productivity or zest for life. Divorce is one of the most emotional and energy draining life events that anyone can experience. Give yourself slack. However, be sure to work to prevent the development of toxic, negative beliefs (Love Locks).
During the divorce there’s so much activity that actually distracts from facing the future. It’s unwanted but it’s a distraction, none the less, and it keeps us from dwelling on the inevitable “what now?”
Then comes the quiet that you wanted during all the commotion.
However, the calm brings new nightmares and new struggles that you never saw coming.
The support that you once had has become silent. People are done talking about you.
The list of things you had to do in order to dissolve the relationship is gone.
The goals and dreams that you built in the relationship are gone.
The silence can be intense, and it has no expiration date.
It is in the silence that building a new life can truly begin.
There are five skills that you must have in order to rebuild a new ideal life.
Priorities
Find new goals, even if the goals are only for the next year, six months, or even just for the week. In your relationship, you had priorities, dreams, and goals that you created naturally with your partner. Now you’re free to create your own priorities.
Self-compassion instead of self-deprecation
Losing a significant relationship can cause your self-esteem to take a major hit. You will probably question your own love for yourself. Most likely you will start thinking negatively about yourself. Stop it. Breaking this habit needs to be a top priority for you. The goal needs to be to love yourself. Room for improvement does not equal thinking negatively about yourself. You want to improve? Set a goal. Do not criticize yourself for the desire to improve.
Positivity
There is no way that you’ll remain positive as you watch the destruction of your life. Negative thoughts will creep in. Those thoughts may even become beliefs. Before you know it, you have a new Love Lock. That Love Lock will prevent you from moving on and stepping out of the silence. Be mindful of what you say to yourself about yourself. Word and thoughts matter.
Balance
You will have to create a new life. Life will go on… You will go on. You can intentionally create a new life or you will live in the leftover life, the shambles of the life you once had. Your best bet is to start building an ideal life, one that you actively create. Remember you did that with your ex, now you do it for you. It’s up to you to create and restore balance.
Focus
When you were in a relationship, you were focused. However, the destruction of that relationship may have left you scattered. You’ll need the skill of focus now more than ever. There is so much that you’ll need to think about. There’s no room for multitasking and fuzzy thoughts when you’re creating your ideal new life.
And one more added tip…
Stop comparing yourself to other people.
You are you.
One-of-a-kind.
You do not need to compare your life to the life of other people. Your journey is your own. Comparing is a waste of energy.
Don’t you think it’s time to step out of the silence?
