After a divorce, there is a lot of activity.  Dissolving the relationship takes a lot of work. During a divorce the best thing that you can do is to get through it.

Don’t expect that you will be able to maintain the same level of productivity or zest for life. Divorce is one of the most emotional and energy draining life events that you will go through. Give yourself slack and work on self-love.

During the divorce there is a lot to. That activity is a distraction. Unwanted distraction but a distraction none the less.

Then comes the much wanted quiet.

The silence…

However, the silence brings new nightmares, new struggles that you never saw coming.

The support that you once had has become silent. People are done talking about you.

The list of things you had to do to dissolve the relationship is gone.

The goals and dreams that you built in the relationship are now gone.

The silence can go on for years, it has no expiration date.

It is in the silence that divorce recovery can truly begin.

The only way that the silence will end and divorce recovery can start is by building a new ideal life, not accepting the leftover life.

There are five skills that you must have in order to rebuild a new ideal life.



You must find new goals, even if the goals are only for the next year, six months, or even just for the week.  In your relationship, you had priorities, dreams, and goals that you created naturally with your partner. Now you must create your own priorities.


Self-love instead of self-deprecation.

Losing a significant relationship, can cause your self-esteem to take a major hit. You will probably question your own love for yourself. Most likely you will start thinking negatively about yourself, stop it. Breaking this habit needs to be a top priority for you.  The goal needs to be to love yourself.  Room for improvement does equal thinking negatively about yourself.   You want to improve?  Set a goal. Do not criticize yourself for the desire to improve.



There is no way that your mindset will remain positive as you watch the destruction of you life.  Negative thoughts will creep in. Those thoughts may even become beliefs. Before you know it, you have a negative mindset. That mindset will prevent you from moving on and stepping out of the silence.



You will have to create a new life.  Life will go on… You will go on. You can intentionally create a new life or you will live in the leftover life, the shambles of the life you once had.  Your best bet is to start building an ideal life, one that you actively create. Remember you did that with your ex, now you will have to do it for you.  You will have to create and restore balance.


When you were in a relationship you were focused. However the destruction of that relationship has left you scattered. You will need the skill of focus now more than ever, there is so much that you will need to think about. There is no room for multitasking and fuzzy thoughts when you are creating your ideal new life.


One more tip…

Stop comparing yourself to other women.

You are you.


You do not need to compare your life to that of another woman’s. Your journey is your own. Comparing is such a waste of your beautiful energy.


Don’t you think it’s time to step out of the silence?


If you do…  Leave a comment.


Contact me, I can help.



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