When the dust settled after my divorce, I realized that my home was a museum to my marriage. Every single thing reminded me of the life that I used to have. I could see the ghosts of my past relationship in every room, closet, and drawer. I felt haunted. I realized that if I didn’t make some quick changes, I was going to stay stuck in the past, unable to recover.
The divorce devastated me financially. I was broke. Throwing everything away and buying new was not an option. I had to get creative and resourceful.
Here is what I learned:
Objects of Affection! Every object in a home has a vibration. This vibration is either positive or negative. When you pick it up or look at an object in your home, decide how you feel about it. Don’t keep things that have a negative feeling. It’s better to have a few items that you love than to have things that make you feel bad. Negative items will probably include love notes, cards, wedding rings, anniversary rings, and that fun little souvenir you picked up on an impromptu road trip. Think like Marie Kondo. If it doesn’t spark joy, out it goes!
If it belonged to the ex, get rid of it. But you knew that, right? Get rid of all the mementos, all the sentimental things they bought you. Get rid of the outfits that they loved to see you wear. Get rid of the items that take you back to that relationship and make you sad. Out of sight, out of mind, really does ring true.
Clutter! Clutter is an energy drain. No matter what, too much stuff makes it harder to find the item that you are looking for or to keep your home neat and organized. Use this new life opportunity to de-clutter your home. Restaurant menus, clothes, dvds, games, or collections. I got rid of my dishes because I remembered too many dinners with my ex. Remember, you either love it or you’re leaving it. You can’t de-clutter your home in one session though. De-cluttering might take months and it will always be an ongoing process. Don’t obsess about de-cluttering. Spend 5 minutes a day de-cluttering.
Scary Areas! A scary area is a place inside or outside of your house that is a reeks of your ex. It can be as simple a drawer or an entire room. You can’t just close the door on scary areas. These areas are a major energy drain and will keep you stuck in your past relationship. You don’t forget them just because the door is closed or they are outside. The energy in these areas is dense and sticky. Your mind always knows they are there. The only way to get rid of this sticky energy is to clean them up. Start with 15 minutes a day to get rid of the scary area. Remember it didn’t happen overnight and you probably can’t fix it overnight either.
Colors and Arrangements! I’m talking about the paint colors and the furniture arrangement. Don’t be afraid to repaint and rearrange. I slowly repainted the entire inside of my house and moved all the furniture around in my home.
Morning and Evening Routine! When you were in that relationship, you had a morning and evening routine to get yourself ready and a house routine as well. Now would be a good time to shake up that routine for both you and the house. For example, after coffee, work on one area for 15 minutes cleaning and de-cluttering. Set a routine that is short and easy to do every day and eventually your home won’t feel like a haunted house.
Clear Out the Old Energy! Burning sage is a great way to clear the energetic cobwebs and clear out negative energy of that relationship in your home. I love burning sage but I tend to do that only when I buy a house or if there has been a large energy outburst, like a break-up. Mostly I use lemon essential oil. Lemon is great for maintenance and after any kind of energy disturbance. Scent has the power to strongly influence our moods. Make sure that you experiment and find a brand new scent for your home that doesn’t remind you of the time you spend with your ex.
One Big Tip Here: This will be an ongoing process for many months. You can’t do it all in a weekend. Have fun letting your mind enjoy the process of creating a home that you feel comfortable in, a Sanctuary!