So now you’re thinking…
I just need to do less.
And that makes sense.
You’re tired.
Frustrated.
Done carrying everything.
So pulling back feels like the answer.
But doing less isn’t the answer either.
Because it won’t feel good to either of you.
You know you’re doing it on purpose.
You’re stepping back…
not because the dynamic changed,
but because you’re trying to force it to.
And that creates something new.
Not relief.
Instability.
Things start to slip.
What used to get handled… doesn’t.
What used to feel structured… starts to feel uncertain.
And now you’re watching it happen.
You’re holding back.
But internally?
You’re still carrying it.
You’re thinking about it.
Noticing it.
Tracking it.
Waiting to see if he’ll step in.
And when he doesn’t…
you feel it all over again.
Frustration.
Resentment.
Disappointment.
Because now it feels like:
“See? This is why I have to do everything.”
So what do you do?
You step back in.
And the cycle continues.
This is the swing.
From over-functioning…
to under-functioning.
And neither of them works.
Because this isn’t about doing more.
And it’s not about doing less.
It’s about doing different.
Doing less without changing the structure
just creates a different version of the same problem.
You don’t disappear.
You reposition.
Relief doesn’t come from stepping back completely.
It comes from stepping back in a different way.
A way that creates space without creating chaos.
A way that allows him to step forward without you having to force it.
Because this isn’t about effort.
It’s about structure.
And until the structure changes…
you’ll keep moving between doing too much
and doing too little.
If you’re starting to see this pattern in your own relationship, this is exactly the work I do inside The Partnership Shift.